Monday, June 20, 2016

Phoenix (part 1 of 3)

Fourteen graves lay quietly on the crest of the hill overlooking the creek. The markers are plain, just a line of wooden posts already weathered gray. A fast-growing creeper vine has spread from the line of old trees nearby and is overtaking three at the end. I shift my cane to my left hand jangling the chain link necklaces, then yank at one end of the vine clumsily and fling some of it back to the shade beneath the trees. After a few more attempts most of the vine has given up for now, but a few stubborn ends lurk just beyond the posts in the grass. I slowly rub the accumulated dirt out of the engraved names. The letters are carved deep into the wood, but not as deep as the list of names has been carved onto my heart.
I stand there for several minutes, leaning on my cane for support like an old man. A gentle breeze rushes through the trees and the cluster of chains I am clutching in one hand. For a moment the clinking of the metal discs is the only sound in the world. Then the breeze dies and the clamor in my head is quiet.
We had all joked and laughed at the beginning at having to wear dog tags. We had tried to act tough like we actually were in the military. It wasn’t like we were ever going to need them. We were not going off to fight in a war. We were just scientists, immature, overly gifted scientists filled with our own importance, our secret mission, our dog tags, our certain knowledge that we were about to change the world.
Today the sky is clear and the sunshine is warm on my hair. It's a nice grassy spot here next to the trees. Peaceful, really. I can imagine Wilson and Stevens in their eternal argument of hard sciences versus soft sciences like there was actually a difference between them. Or Albertson, the most awkward of all us super-geeks failing miserably to impress the pilot Julie White while the rest of us tried to keep out of sight and keep from laughing.
So many memories. Things that didn’t matter at the time are now so precious, like a child’s string of glass beads held up to the light and seen anew as beautiful. Too many memories. Too many ghosts; I don't stay long. Slowly I start down the hill, the gentle curve of my cane handle caressing my palm as I limp my way back down the slope. Across the creek, about a mile away from the Big House and the hill with fourteen graves is the twisted heap of metal that brought me here.
We were all young and brilliant, the best of the best, the elite handful carefully selected by the government to work on a secret assignment. Too young and brilliant for our own good. We all had a history of doing some of the incredibly stupid things that only geniuses trying to show off their smarts can manage. But that's why they wanted us. We all had to be young, single, and willing to take a risk. Well, fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Not that any of the numerous old, gnarly instructors we had in our rigorous training were angels. No, they were simply human, nothing more or less. They had traded in their spirit of adventure for common sense and the rush of risk for a solid paycheck and a family.
None of us had known each other at first. We were mostly kids right out of high school who were too cocky to think that college could teach us anything. Most of us already had a record, because we were far too smart for rules to apply to us. After three years of the most mentally challenging training on the planet, those of us who made it through were close friends. Closer than friends. Our tight-knit team was a motley family. We were all surrogates for the families left behind by the training.
I remember the excitement when we finally finished, the anticipation. Teleportation had already been proven and rapidly hushed up “until we know more and the public's ready for it.”  We were the first group of interplanetary teleporters, looking across the universe for other worlds like ours that we could colonize and - if there were any - to find other races so humanity would no longer be alone.
We were eager, we were ready. We were glad we were finally finished learning everything and setting off to do our jobs. We were all puffed up to be in our twenties and making history, even if no one would know until several years after our success.

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